Am I A Bad Person?

Yesterday was another playgroup meeting.

Yeah. The one with the facials.

The moms took turns with the facial thing. I went first and left K.T. sitting on the floor to play with some toys.

Everything was fine until she decided to throw her head back. I don't know why, but she likes to just launch herself backwards sometimes. Most of the time I am sitting behind her and she lands in my lap. Or, I'll have a pillow back there. But, this time, no luck. It was just blanket and floor.

SMACK! Her head hit the floor and she started crying. There were tears and everything.

She wouldn't let me put her back down, so I had to do the rest of the facial with her on my lap. You know something, it's pretty hard to apply a microbead scrub with one hand and hold a squirmy baby in the other.

At the end of the facial, the Mary Kay lady had us put on foundation. I hate makeup. I never wear makeup. After putting on the foundation, I felt like a clown. All painted up and everything. It looked pretty decent, but it's just not my style. I washed it off when I got home.

The rest of the playgroup was just OK.

There is this one lady that has a 8 or 9 month old daughter, but she also watches her 13 month old nephew. If you were to look up "toddler" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of this kid in the entry.

He doesn't walk. He stumbles. At a running pace.

If something is in his way he will either:
A) step on it and keep going
B) trip over it and keep going
C) kick it out of the way
D) fall down HARD

K.T. and her 7-9 month old pals just hang out together on a blanket on the floor. They busy themselves with taking toys from eachother, pulling eachothers hair, slobbering on things, constant babbling and an occasional cry.

Can you see where I'm going with this?

The 13 month old is like Godzilla and the babies are like Tokyo.

Yesterday, the kid was running around and tripped on the corner of the blanket. He fell HARD right on top of K.T. and she started to cry.

My first reaction was to pick the kid up and throw him across the room. Preferably through a large plate glass window or something dramatic like that.

I wanted to hurt him and hurt him bad.

I wanted to hurt a toddler. How whacked is that? I think I have issues.

I guess I know now how a Mama Bear feels when someone is messin' with her cubs. I had this huge surge of anger and adrenaline. It was really hard to be calm and collected.

Anyways, with a few hugs and kisses K.T. was all better. But, for the rest of the afternoon she wouldn't let me put her on the floor to play with the other babies. She would only sit on my lap to play.

That kid kept running around and almost fell into some of the other babies. I kept watching him and managed to put a hand out to block most of his falls. At one point, I think he ended up poking one of them in the eye.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.