CAKE

For those who care (and there are not many I'm sure) I finished Portal this past weekend.

Total Playing Time: 4 hours and 50 minutes.

Huzbend started playing on Sunday and uh, finished on Sunday.

Total Huzbend Playing Time: Just about 3 hours.

Damn.  I suck.

What else?

What a week it's been and it's only half way over.  Sigh.

Monday started off waiting for Matt the Bug/Mouse Guy.  Finally, we heard a loud knock at the door.  It scared the poopie outta Katie.  I went to open the door for him and she just stood and stared.  He waved at her, she waved back and then sobbed "BYE-BYEEEEEE" and burst into tears.   After she got over her episode, we had to look out all the windows for "MUTT" while he was at "WURK".  Katie assured me that he was "NICE", and then he went "BYE-BYEEE" for good.

Then, at about 4:30, I got a call from Huzbend.  He wanted me to come pick him up from work.  He didn't think he could ride home.  Hmmmmm.  So, we drove down to pick him up. He was nauseous.

At 8:30 he decided to have a bowl of baby oatmeal and puked his guts out in the sink.  Our house is pretty echo-ie, and so the wonderful sound of retching filled the house.  Hooray!  Now, the waiting game begins.  Did Huzbend contract a norovirus (Norwalk Virus/24 hr. stomach bug)?  And if so, will Katie get it?  Will I get it?  They say symptoms emerge within 24 to 48 hours of exposure.  Maybe we'll get lucky and it will skip on by.

Tuesday, I had to get up and go to the dentist.  The dental hygienist tore apart my mouth and then almost drowned me with a fluoride treatment.  She left me there with the fluoride foam in my mouth and no suction.  I didn't want to swallow the stuff, so I had to squish the fluoride out of my mouth using my tongue.  I had fluoride and drool everywhere.  I must have looked like a bubblegum scented rabid animal.  I have to go back in three weeks to have those cavities taken care of.  I can't wait.       

Tuesday afternoon was preschool.  Katie was very clingy and didn't want to play.  Then she just about fell asleep in the playground swing.  Something wasn't right.  We got home and she had a fever.  She didn't want to eat anything and was very fussy the rest of the day.  All night she kept waking up and crying.

Which brings me to today.  Huzbend is recovered and at work.  Katie, although a bit stuffy, seems to be back to normal.  Things seem good.  

I also saw a freakin' bald eagle out of one of my windows today.  He was in a tree across the street.  Forgive the bad camera shot, I had to use a pair of binoculars to get a decent pic of him. But, COME ON, how totally awesome is that?!?!?!

Ummmm

There's not much going on here and so, there isn't much to write about.

I have a dentist appointment next Tuesday.  It's just a cleaning.  Last time I went, they found two cavities.  Riddle me this, Batman. How do I even have any space left in my mouth for cavities?  I think that some of my cavities are on top of other cavities.

I'm playing a video game called Portal.  I think they made the game just for me.  Okay.  So, they didn't.  But this game is right up my alley.  It's a puzzle game.  There's no time limit and there are no enemies to kill (not yet anyways).  You can just stand there and figure out how to get the job done.  Me likey.  

The one problem that I have with the game is that I am obsessed with it.  Say I wake up at 4:30am for a trip to the toilet.  I get back into bed and I begin to ponder, "If I place that portal over there, and then I put this other portal over here, then I can hit the switches really fast and then I'll just have to rearrange the portals really quickly to get the energy ball into the bin....."  And on and on it goes until I have spent a half hour planning strategy.  I guess it's either that or think about the myriad of mundane chores I have to get done the next day.  There's nothing like thinking about cleaning toilets at 4:30am while you're trying to get back to sleep.

I took Katie to the library today.  She is a librarians nightmare.  She loves to run down the aisles of the children's section and pull out random books.  She then carries them into other sections where they then disappear.  I try my best to put them back, but while I'm busy with one she is quickly making her way towards another aisle.  She also likes to pound on all the computer keyboards, climb on to the chairs (and tables if she can manage it), ride all the oversized stuffed animals they have in the reading circle.  Sigh.  

Today, she stole a set of headphones and put them around her neck.  She then began to run as fast as she could around the children's section looking back as if the cord of the headphones was chasing her.

As we left, she kindly said a loud "BYE BYEEEE" to just about everyone in the library.

I'm pretty sure they were all saying, "Good riddance."  

The Super Spectacular Christmas Post

Okay.  The pictures below don't look very Christmasie.  But, I swear, it really was Christmas.  You'll see that I was wearing a Christmas themed bodysuit.  And, it even SNOWED outside!  I know.  A shocker.  

Most of my presents weren't wrapped.  I guess there were a few reasons for the lack of wrapping paper.  I overheard talk of this guy named, Al.  What does Al have against wrapping paper?  I don't know, but he must be some kinda Grinch or something.  The leading reason might have been that I have NO patience whatsoever for unwrapping things. I'd rather not be bothered.  What are Mommies good for if not for taking care of all these pesky little tasks.

Faster!  Faster! Faster!!!

I ended up getting loads of pretty awesome stuff.  Thanks to everyone - smooch, smooch!  

I got SO much stuff that it took me the entire day to get through it all.  Mommy said that we were going slow because I was getting overwhelmed and cranky.  Me? Cranky?  Never.

Check out my rad new set of wheels!  I got my very own Flintstone powered car!  You must be so jealous.  I know.  Not all of us can be as cool as moi.  

VROOOOOOOMMMM!

Okay, guys, seat belts on or we're not movin'!

The only problem with my car is the steering.  There is none.  This makes it downright impossible to perform a three point turn.

Uh.  A little help here!

Hardcore playing can work up a girls appetite.  Here's a nice shot of me enjoying some delicious Bunny Crackers.  They're super cheesy.  You should try them.

Look at this mess!  Jeez, someone should really clean this up.

Whaddaya mean me?!

Guess it's a good thing I got that broom for Christmas.  Hey!

Ohhhh, that was sneaky.

The end of the day also brought the realization that I would have to wait an entire year for another visit from Santa.  Man, that really sucks.  This was the only time I got grumpy the entire day.  I swear.  

I hope you enjoyed my little belated Christmas post.  Happy New Year to you all!

Oh, I almost forgot.  I've got two videos for you too.  Enjoy!

Woes of the Forgotten Female Geek

Huzbend has been playing this video game called Mass Effect for about three weeks now. So far, I think it has eaten up at least 50 to 60 hours of his time.  He actually finished it about a week and a half ago and then decided to play it again.  

Unlike some other video games this one has a pretty high replay value.  You see, this game is kinda like a huge "Choose Your Own Adventure" novel.  There's a complicated main plot and many side quests in which you can choose how you want to react.  

For example (this is not from the game):  

Loser #1 tells you that Loser #2's dog bit them. Loser #2 says that it's not true.  

Do you...

A: Say that you don't have enough information and thus can't help them.

B:  Give Loser #2 the benefit of the doubt and tell Loser #1 to move along.

C: Shoot the dog.

What's even more interesting about this game is that there is the potential for a "romantic subplot".  You get experience points for interacting with your crew when you're not off killing evil robots and mind-controlling aliens.  And yes, folks, flirting counts as interacting.

The first time around, as would be suspected, Huzbend created a heroic male character.  He spent the game chatting up this blue alien hottie and ended up gettin' freaky with her.  It was a very tasteful sex scene in which you got to see the alien chick naked.

He was all proud of himself.

But, alas, there were still "achievements" that he didn't get the first time around.  On XBOX, you get ranked by how many "achievements" you get while playing games.  There is a healthy competition going on amongst his coworkers.  Huzbend has consistently maintained top rank, and so he HAD to play again.  

This time he decided to play a woman and he was gonna play her as a hard ass.  Her name was "Jane".  The game picked that, he didn't.  

Once again, there was opportunity for a "romantic subplot".  He had his choice of the blue alien chick (again) or a guy on his crew.  I convinced him to choose the guy. What?  If I was gonna watch this game again, I wanted to see some he-man haunches.

So, with some of my help, he talked to the dude.  He listened to the dude.  He flirted with the dude.  And finally, it was time for a roll in the hay.  The screen got that fuzzy bedroom look and some romantic music began to play.  The camera began to pan out.....  

...And then you see "Jane" buck naked.  The next scene was the dude sitting up in bed with his shirt off.  WHERE THE HELL WAS MY MAN ASS?!?!?!

What about equal opportunity people?  What is the difference between a woman's ass and a man's ass?  Okay.  Less hair.  Yeah.  But, come on! 

If I'm gonna take the time (or actually my Huzbend's time) to follow a "romantic subplot" between a strong woman character and a piece of man candy, then I want some pay off dammit!

Word Vomit

Hope you enjoyed that last entry.  Boy, I sure did.  Hmph.  What was I thinking?  That, my friends, is what they call "Word Vomit".  I wanted to write about something, but I wasn't sure what. The next thing I know, I'm telling people how to live their lives.  Jeez.  Sorry about that.  

I think the next time I sit down to write such emotional drivel, I'll turn my chair really quickly to the left and smash my shin into the desk.  That'll get rid of my blues real quick like.

Moving on.

I think Katie is learning at least a word a day now.  Some of them she only has to hear once.

Here's a few examples: 

ahhhmeee - yummy

eeeeeyah - her sound for a donkey

urk  - work

buck - bucket

bobby ga - bouncy chair

cahkey - cupcake

poppy - potty

Today, I made a passing comment to her on how some guy I called sounded like her Uncle Junior. Two minutes later, she's repeating his name over and over and over in the backseat. When we got home I showed her a picture of him.  She can now scan all the pictures in her album and find him.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, our two favorite new words of the month!  

Drumroll please.......

Cock and Bitch.

Yep.  You read that right.  Cock and Bitch.

Cock is Katie's word for couch.  And what's even better, is that if you couple that with her word for "more" you've got yourself a shocking statement.  Do you know how hard it is NOT to get embarrassed when your 16 month old daughter is yelling at the top of her lungs, "Muh cock!  Muh cock!"?

Bitch is Katie's word for pants.  I think she is actually saying "bints".  The problem is that the 'n' is not quite audible and the 's' is lisped.  So you get bitch.  I was changing her diaper the other day and announced to her, as I always do, "Now, it's time to put your pants on!".  She answered me with a loud and exclamatory, "Bitch!".

There really isn't much opportunity to say "pants" in public.  So I shouldn't really be worried, right?  

HA!  Alas, she has now applied "bitch" to plants as well.  Everywhere we've gone in the past two days I've had to deal with her pointing randomly and saying matter-of-factly, "bitch."

One of these days I'm going to end up getting my ass kicked.

Hoppy New Year

Hello all.  I know it's been a while since I've posted.  Like a week or something, right?  Sorry.  

I owe you all a Christmas pic/vid post.  I'll get to work on that.  

Um, soon.  Yeah.

In the meantime, you get to listen to me babble about the beginning of a new year and all that crap.

This past week I was looking through some of our photos.  There happened to be pictures from waaaaaaay back in 2003!

I was so young and full of life.

Look at me now.  

What the F happened?!  That is, like, the worst picture ever.  How many chins do I have there?  One....two......I'll let you count.  It's more fun that way.

Anyways, all this picture looking got me to thinking.  

I've done some pretty dumb and downright selfish things over my 30 some odd years on the planet.  I guess I've done some good stuff too.  For some reason, I never really think about that stuff though.

I think back on squandered opportunities and feel like smacking myself upside the head "I shoulda had a V8" style.

I think back on some choices I made that might have hurt other people.

I think back on some things that I SHOULD have said, but didn't.  Things I SHOULD have did, but didn't.

Sigh.  But they say, "Hindsight is 20/20."

What I'm really trying to say is:  I have no idea what I'm trying to say.

Stay in school.  Say no to drugs.  Blah, blah, blah.  

Why does the end of the year get me all sentimental and crap?  

Look, here it is.  Straight up and no BS.  

Sometimes there are opportunities in life to:

Tell people how much they mean to you.  Be sure to tell those special grandparents how much you enjoyed your time with them.  How much you enjoyed visiting them on a Saturday night as a kid. How much you loved having "just one"soda with them.  There's no time like the present. Time has a way of taking people away before you're ready for them to leave.

Take the time to make someone feel special.  Hey, Cool Whip Kid.  Yeah.  You.  I'm sorry for ignoring you when I was a teenager.  I thought I was too cool to hang out with a "little kid".  You're the coolest alien I know. 

Do things that you think you can't.  Run that damn marathon.  All you gotta do is train.  If Oprah can do it, for cripes sake so can you.  

To make choices that you think will flip your life upside down.  Get married, get pregnant, quit that job, move across the country.  All that jazz.

Go for it, man.  

What are you waiting for?