Karma is a B....

Ak!

Must.....beeeee......gooooood.......

Nice Karma! Nice Karma! Me lovey da Karma.

Okay. I get it.

As soon as I posted that thing about the ugly kid, K.T.'s bright red face rash came back. I'll try to be nice.

The key word in that last sentence is "TRY". You gotta cut me some slack, Karma. A blog just ain't no good unless I can speak my mind, ya know.

Now that that is outta the way, we can get on to more important things.

Time for some more hating.

I saw this celebrity on TV this morning. I guess she just had twins a couple of months back. They were asking her all those predictable 'morning tv interviews recent celeb-mom' questions:

How are the babies? Answer: They are just great. I look at them every morning and think to myself, "I am your mother. You are my daughters." It is so beautiful.

Aren't they just the most adorable things ever? Answer: Every time I look at them, I am just awestruck at their beauty. It takes my breath away.

You look wonderfull! How did you get back into shape? Answer: Ooooohhh. Come on! (chuckles) I don't look THAT good. It was soooooooo hard. Phew.

How is the Dad holding up? Answer: Oh, he is just the most patient man. He loves the babies dearly.

Isn't being a mother the greatest thing you've ever done? Answer: Oh yes. Definitely. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

How lame.

Every celeb-mom answers the same way. It just sounds so scripted. They get on TV and make parenthood seem like the easiest-breeziest thing in the world. As if you can just pop out a kid and then things go right back to normal.

Calling all pregos!!! Don't believe the hype!!

Here is how I would answer those same questions:

How are the babies? Answer: She's great. She figured out how to crawl the other day. It's an absolute nightmare trying to get her to lay down to go to sleep. I'll lay her down, she'll roll over and get stuck in a sitting position in the corner of the crib. Then she cries. It happens, like, a dozen times. I'm, like, "DUDE. If you would just lay down, you could fall asleep." Oh yeah, this morning, she picked her nose and ate it for the first time. Man, I wish I had the camera!

Aren't they just the most adorable things ever? Answer: Well, of course she's adorable. She IS my daughter.

You look wonderfull! How did you get back into shape? Answer: Um. Are you talking to me?

How is the Dad holding up? Answer: Yesterday, the baby discovered that Daddy had arm and leg hair. She then proceeded to grab and rip. After that, she zeroed in on his adams apple. I hope he's okay...

Isn't being a mother the greatest thing you've ever done? Answer: Yes. But, it's also the HARDEST thing I've ever done. Do you mind if I take a nap on your couch? It's pretty comfi and I only got about 4 hours last night. Man, that kid of mine can wail. Thanks.

There. Doesn't that sound more normal?