It's also funny that I have tried all of this stuff, some of it repeatedly, and none of it is working.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
We've got ourselves one stubborn chubba baby on our hands. That does not bode well for the future......
Let's run through a few techniques designed to help you turn your baby. Special thanks to spinningbabies.com for the pics.
First we've got this lovely position. The "Open Knee Chest" position. Really easy to do and actually quite comfortable. You're supposed to do this for 20 minutes a few times a day, when baby is active. This position also helps non-breech babies get into position for birth.
The Results: Every time I do this one, Katie leaps on my back for a horsie ride around the room.
Next, we have what is called the "Breech tilt." The thinking behind this is that your baby is smooshed up at the top of your uterus and hopefully tucks his chin to his chest and begins to slide forward. When you right yourself, gravity pulls him down into a somersault. This move also pulls the baby out of your pelvis for more room to move. Again, do this a couple of times a day for 20 minutes or more.
The Results: A pretty good sized headache....every time.
Now this extreme maneuver is called the "Inversion." Same strategy as the "Breech Tilt." You only do this one for 30 seconds to a minute.
The Results: I feel really, really stupid and fat.
There are other things you can do in addition to all this positioning jazz. You can use light, music and/or heat or cold to try to get the baby to move. Let me explain. Babies @ 37 weeks can see and hear. You can take a flashlight and shine it on your belly dragging it down towards your pelvis in hopes the baby will follow. You can have people talk or play music down at your pelvis in the hopes that baby will get curious and move on down. You can take a cold bag of peas and lay it on your belly where his head is. Then you put a warm pak on your lower belly. Yeah, you read that right. Then he gets colds and wants to move where it's warm.
You can go swimming and do handstands. Same theory as "breech tilt" and "inversion." Sigh. I haven't tried this one yet.
Then there is chiropractic and acupuncture.
I have avoided having chiro done since my rugby days and I just refuse to break down now. I know some people swear by it, I just think it's crazy. I especially don't want anyone "adjusting" me with a baby lodged in my pelvis. No way. I guess they can soften up the ligaments to allow the baby to turn by using some technique called the "Webster Technique". I just can't bring myself to try it.
That leads me to acupuncture. I figured, "What the hell? The pins ain't gonna hurt baby. They would just hurt me." So, I went for it.
Let me just say that acupuncture is NOT for me. I am just too skeptical of these types of things. I think that acupuncture must work the same way as positive thinking or prayer must work in matters of health. If you BELIEVE it will work, it kinda does for you. I guess they call that the placebo effect? Something about the power of the brain to make you feel better.
Well, you must need a lot of that in acupuncture. 'Cause I didn't really feel any different walking out as I did walking in. Except that I felt like I had engaged in some, like, totally deep, like, hippy type shit. Far out, man.
The practitioner was really nice. She was a calm and very granola presence. She began by inserting a few pins (or are they called needles) to help me relax. Three in my scalp, one between my boobs, and then one on each wrist. There was an initial poke feeling but then I didn't really feel them anymore. I mean, I was conscious of them being there, but I couldn't feel them.
Then she asked to look at my tongue. I opened my mouth and she asked if I was sleeping okay. I said, "No" out loud, but was silently thinking, "Um. Duh. I'm nine frickin' months preggo. How do you think I'm sleeping?! Not at all. I'm up every hour to pee. I've got a head stuck up in my ribcage. Dude. Seriously?"
Next came the moxabustion treatment. There's a point on the outside of your little toe that releases qi in your pelvic area/uterus. This allows your body to relax and open that area and might possibly allow the baby to turn if in breech or if you are already in labor to stimulate contractions to get stronger.
The treatment goes like this: get stick of moxa, heat the end till glowing red, place moxa near pressure point, heat a few seconds, pull away when too hot, continue switching toes for 20 minutes. This treatment should also be performed at home one or two times a day for 20 minutes, with someone's help.
I felt baby move a little bit. Honestly, he moves more at home when I'm trying to get to sleep.
I tried to administer the moxa to myself yesterday, but it's not quite as effective and I felt like I was going to accidently burn my toe off or something. So, I stopped. I also began to think how ridiculous I felt doing it. I'm sure that is NOT helping.
The Results: I left the place smelling like I had partook of the world's largest doobie. That moxa stuff smells just like pot.
And so the quest to turn marches on.
It seems that every time baby is moving like crazy and I should be getting myself into one of the whacky positions, I'm busy doing something.
I just don't have the time to flip myself upside down or burn my pinky toe three times a day for twenty minutes. I've got laundry to do, I've got a dramatic 3 year old, I've got a huzbend I would like to communicate with, etc.
The doc and acupuncturist have told me that if the baby turns on his own, then it's just fine. He just did it a little late. If he doesn't turn, there is probably a reason. Either he's too big or there is something stopping him. It could be that the cord is not in a good position and it would be dangerous for him to turn.
He'll turn if HE wants too, is kinda what it comes down too.
Then I start thinking about the word "surgery."
Me no likey, but me must follow da baby's lead.
It's up to you, senor.
