The day started at 4am.
I thought I heard a kid making noise, but it must have been my imagination. They were both sound asleep.
Now, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I REALLY wake up. So, I decided to hit the potty and get myself a snack.
While munching my cheese stick, I glanced over at the fish tank to check on Flip Flop. He hadn't been himself all that day. I had tested his water that morning and the ammonia levels were high. I needed to do a water change, but I ran out of time. I figured he could wait until tomorrow.
Um, I guess he couldn't.
He was dead.
A wave a guilt hit me immediately and I began to cry. If I had only changed the f-ing water. Next came a wave of deep sadness upon realizing that I would have to tell Katie that her first ever pet had died while she slept. A pet she ate breakfast with. A pet that she was teaching how to sing. A pet that she loved. A lot.
And so, I was still crying. A lot.
I couldn't sleep. I spent time doing internet searches about explaining death to children and I tried to lighten my mood by watching the finale of 'Glee'.
After discussing how we should handle this with the Huzbend, I took Flip Flop out of his tank and laid him in some plastic wrap inside an old jewelry box.
When Katie woke up, I explained what happened. She cried hard and told me she wanted a new fish.
After the initial cry, we went down to take a look at Flip Flop in his box. She told me that he was, "so small and so cute." She even touched him through the plastic and told me he was "squishy". We talked about what happens when something dies.
The rest of the day was spent normally playing but was interspersed with questions about death ("Will you die?""Will Granma & Granpa die?" "Why were you sad when you're Granpa died?") and hourly viewings of Flip Flop in his box.
Every picture Katie drew during the day had Flip Flop in it. She even came up with an imaginary pet that, "when the water is dirty and he should get sick he doesn't and he lives in it. You just feed him lots of food and he doesn't die."
After dinner, we had a little funeral for Flip Flop. We picked a nice backyard tree and dug a little hole underneath it for him. Katie gave the box he was in a hug and a kiss and told him, "I love you, little fishy." Then we took Flip Flop out of the box (and plastic wrap) and put him in the hole. Katie put a few pebbles from his tank gravel in the hole with him as well as a special rock she picked out of the yard.
As Huzbend buried him, I told Katie that she could say anything she wanted to say to Flip Flop. It could be a good bye or maybe a nice memory that she had of him.
In a sad voice she said, "Thank you for eating your food."
