The Food Network is evil.
Here are my top two reasons:
1) The Food Network gives Huzbend ideas for delicious, yet horribly messy meals.
The other week he saw a "Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives" show where Guy Fieri had some tamales. I guess they looked pretty good. So, Huzbend decided he wanted to make some. Delicious? Yes. Messy? HELL yes. I guess there must be a price to pay if you want good food.
2) The Food Network gives kids the idea that their parents should be able to make incredible creations out of food.
I ask my kids what kind of cake they want for their birthdays and I do NOT get the answer "vanilla cake with vanilla frosting". I get this, "Can I have a cake that is shaped like the exploding Death Star with, uh, maybe the Milennium Falcon and Luke's X-Wing flying away from it....and then, maybe some fireworks exploding in the background in celebration and a couple of butterflies and fairies thrown in?".
Here's another example. Take this year's pumpkin carving.
I asked, "What are you guys gonna put on your pumpkins? How about you draw a face on the pumpkin and we'll carve it in?" Instead, we got this: "I want a Castle Crasher!" WTF? Now, I'm no pumpkin carving expert, but I KNOW they've seen those dudes on the Halloween Wars show on The Food Network. They think that we can do that shit. And, well, us parents can't disappoint now can we? All together I spent, hmmmm let's see, about 4+ hours on those pumpkins (my ghost and Mickey included). Katie did draw her own picture and I just transcribed it onto the pumpkin.
You know what I found out? Although it was a bit weird not have my kids put traditional faces on their pumpkins, I liked it. I LIKED spending 4+ hours carving pumpkins. It's been a loooooooooong ass time since I've done anything art-y. Pumpkin carving it art-y.
Moving on from my Food Network issues.....
I did something this Halloween season that I've never done. I went into a haunted corn maze. For a Mom's Night Out. At a place called Stalker Farms. Originally we were supposed to go on a tractor ride to shoot zombies and then roast marshmallows. I was all for THAT. But, as would be our luck, one of the tractors broke down. The organizer of our event went back to the entrance to find out what the deal was and came back with a refund of our zombie shooting ride and All-Access bracelets for the other attractions. The majority of our group decided to return to the fire pit to enjoy some toasty s'mores. One of my friends turned to the group and said, and I quote, "Let's do the clowns." Now, if you knew my friend, you would know that she was DEATHLY and I mean DEATHLY afraid of clowns. It took her YEARS to make it through watching "Stephen King's IT" TV series. Yeah. Bad. She suggested it in the hopes that it would help her to conquer her fears. One of my other friends agreed to go with her and then they both turned to me, "You're coming too, right?" Ugh. I said yes.
We entered "The Last Laugh", their clown themed haunt. It was freakin' creepy. There was no blood and no gore at all (I guess the other haunt has all that) so that was good. Kerri #1 - the one with the clown phobia - went first. I glommed on to her left shoulder, my hands gripping her coat. And behind me on my right shoulder and holding on to my coat was Kerri #2. We actually walked like that through the entire maze. Like we were Shaggy, Scooby and Velma or something.
It was quite amazing what they accomplished in that corn field. They had a cool fun-house spinning tube thing and quite a few buildings we had to walk through. Some of these buildings were pitch black and when I say pitch black I mean you can't see your hand in front of your nose. There were strobe lights and laser lights to mess up your vision. A chain link fence maze WITHIN the maze. And, oh yeah, the clowns. Not only would they jump out to scare the bejesus out of you - they would follow you and TALK to you. Freakin' clowns.
I kinda had trouble sleeping for the next couple of days. And walking around in the dark (not to mention running in the dark in the morning) was just a tad bit MORE creepy. We survived.
I have to say that it was the most fun I ever had almost shitting my pants.
Next up.....
Can I make a suggestion? If you find yourself up at 5:30/6:00am and think about going to take a walk to get some fresh air can you PLEASE put on a reflective jacket or maybe carry a flashlight? Thank you.
You see that lady attempting to recreate a jog on the side of the road? Yeah, her with the three layers of clothes, reflective vest and crazy headlamp. She would appreciate it.
I swear. People purposely wear brown, blue or black when they decide to walk in the dark. That way they are impossible to see and completely FREAK ME OUT. I don't see them until I am literally right next to them.
I call them zombies.
Don't be a zombie.
Two things from Mikey to end this post.
When asked if he needed a tissue for a boogie on his finger, he replied:
"Dirty things are for putting on your pants."
We were in the grocery store today.
I was tickling Mikey in an attempt to keep him in a jovial mood.
Then he starts yelling, "Mommy! Tickle my penis!"
He would not stop. I had to find an empty aisle and attempt to explain why he had to stop yelling out "tickle my penis". Not something you'd ever think you would have to do.
Um. Yeah.
Next up, Main Course.
