Sigh. It never fails.

I've discovered something in the past week that I thought I would pass on to you folks. You most likely already know this. It might be old news. Oh well.

Walmart has the SLOWEST checkout lines E-V-E-R!

I've been to Walmart twice this week. Both times there were only 2 people ahead of me in line and I stood there for what felt like an eternity. I don't get it.

They have those fancy bar code scanner thingies just like everyone else. Why the hell does it take so damn long for them to check people out?

Well, good people, I believe I have solved the mystery.

There was a crotchety woman who was arguing with the cashier.

"This is on sale. Should be $2.99," she says as she violently thrusts her index finger down onto the lame-ass 'Merry Christmas' mat laying on the checkout counter. The thing looks like it shouldn't even be 99 cents let alone $2.99.

"I'm sorry Ma'am. It's ringing up at $3.99," the checkout girl says patiently.

"Well, that's not what the sign said! It's $2.99," the lady says vehemently. Almost as if she is going to jump over the counter and kung-fu the poor cashier. I think I would pay to see that.

The lady's brow beaten husband is standing right behind her with a carriage full of other knick-knaky crap. His shoulders are hunched and he's decked out in all plaid. "Uhhhhhh, I'm pretty sure it's $2.99. Uh-yuh."

"I'm sorry, but it's still ringing at $3.99. I'll have to call over the floor manager," the cashier sighs.

The lady turns to her husband and says, "You watch. It's gonna be $2.99."

I wisely decided to switch lines.

Okay. I know that people shopping at Walmart shop there to save money. 'Roll Back' prices and all that shite. I get it. That's why I shop there. Got a tip before I left back east, baby supplies at Walmart are the cheapest around. So, I get my diapies and my wipies there.

Walmart is cheap. I get it, I really do.

It's just A-holes like the lady above that piss me off. Does she really NEED that raggedy "Merry Christmas" mat?

Okay, say she did need it that bad. It was a life or death situation.

Terrorists are holding her brother and the President of the United States hostage in the Seattle Space Needle. They also have a canister of the mysterious 'Green Spotted Virus' that they will unleash onto the world unless their demands are met. C.T.U . intercepts a message stating, "The only way we will release the hostages unharmed AND spare the world from the horror of green spots is to have you hand deliver one 'Merry Christmas' door mat along with a pair of Garfield fuzzy slippers and exactly 13 blue M&M's. You have 24 hours. The clock has started."

Jack Bauer has picked his way to the top of the Needle and is waiting for the requested items to be dropped to him via helicopter. The clock is ticking down and there is only 30 minutes left.

"Dammit, Tony! Tell Chloe that I need that mat NOW or we are all going to DIE!"

So, she needs the mat.

If you needed the damn mat that badly, wouldn't you suck it up and pay the extra one dollar?

Jack would. Either that or he would wait for the floor manager. Kidnap him. Tie him up and drive him to some unmarked warehouse somewhere.

The conversation would begin something like this, "You are going to give me that mat for $2.99 or I swear to God I will hurt you before I kill you, and no one will be able to stop me....."