Crash

Sometimes I'm just drivin' down the highway of life minding my own business, when outta nowhere......CRASH!!!!

The shit hits the fan.

Last night was one of those nights.

I really can't explain it. Hormones, overtiredness, lack of dessert? Who knows.

I went out and bought Katie a convertible car seat yesterday. She's just on the verge of moving to a forward facing seat. I went to the store and sat her in a seat that had a yellow cover with pastel butterflies all over it. At the time, I thought it was really cute and I bought it.

As soon as I got it home, I hated it. What the hell was I thinking? So, I fretted and I obsessed about which color to get and how to go back to the store to exchange without looking like a total loser.

I guess that was the main reason. There were other smaller reasons; dinner was rushed, Katie kept throwing little mini-tantrums because she was over-tired and hungry, I didn't get any hang-out time with Huzbend, Katie threw most of her dinner onto the floor, I had dishes to do, there were toys and junk all over the place, the yard was full of weeds and looking all together shoddy, the truck needed an oil change, etc. You get the idea.

To top it all off, Katie woke up around 11:30pm and began to wail for some unknown reason. She just wouldn't stop crying. Gigantic sobs and all that jazz. It took me about 30 minutes to get her to go back to sleep; 5 minutes of trying to sooth her in the crib, a couple of intense minutes for a diaper change in case that was the issue (it wasn't), and the rest of the time was spent rocking her in my arms in the glider.

After that fiasco, I couldn't sleep. I was awake for about two hours thinking about that stupid car seat. Not just about the color now, but about the car seat itself. Did I make the right choice? Did I buy the best possible seat for my baby? Then I moved onto this train of thought: What was up with that crying thing? Is she teething? I wonder if she's sick?

I finally, FINALLY, decided that dwelling on this at 1:30am was not going to solve anything. I got to sleep close to 2am.

Sometimes, I find that I can actually feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders. It presses down unrelentingly. It bows my back and strains my legs. I begin to panic. Who's idea was this? Can I handle this? OMG. What happens when there's two???? (Um, no. I'm not pregnant.)

And then, the sun comes up. A new days starts. Huzbend gives me a kiss before he leaves for work. I can hear a binky being banged against a crib rail and an all too familiar "da-da-da-da-da-da" coming through the baby monitor.

All is right with the world once more.